Love
Peace on Earth
Charity
Humility
Generosity
Wouldn't it be nice to share Christmas 365 days a year?
Merry Christmas!
She's Got The Holiday Spirit
1 hour ago
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
new beginning
I am opening myself to a new beginning.
As I sit at my desk, I look at the pile of books I just picked out for my classes. I am beginning. I sit in amazement, it is real. I have the ability to follow a dream.
Fear is real. It is a corroding thread that runs thru everything I do. Faith is stronger. Although at times the faith in myself wanes, it returns with help. I tap into this source and ask for strength. When this isn't tangible, I ask people for guidance... and find strength.
The future is never clear. My choices, only limited by the fears that I allow. I have goals. I have ideals. I am ready to move on to this new phase.
Who will I become when I grow up? The best person I can be. I do not want to limit myself to a title. I choose to be free enough to allow a flow. I strive to be an individual. I only want to be me... the best I can be.
As I sit at my desk, I look at the pile of books I just picked out for my classes. I am beginning. I sit in amazement, it is real. I have the ability to follow a dream.
Fear is real. It is a corroding thread that runs thru everything I do. Faith is stronger. Although at times the faith in myself wanes, it returns with help. I tap into this source and ask for strength. When this isn't tangible, I ask people for guidance... and find strength.
The future is never clear. My choices, only limited by the fears that I allow. I have goals. I have ideals. I am ready to move on to this new phase.
Who will I become when I grow up? The best person I can be. I do not want to limit myself to a title. I choose to be free enough to allow a flow. I strive to be an individual. I only want to be me... the best I can be.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Surrender
Surrender as a word is distasteful. It just doesn't roll off my tongue easily. As an action... well, surrender just isn't something I enjoy.
It usually entails some sort of pain. Something so bad has happened, or MY perseption of something is so harsh that I just cannot go on this way.
Surrender usally means I get an opportunity to become humble. I get an opportunity to ask for help. Be it another person, or God, I get to stop my controlling nature by this simple gesture of asking.
Results of surrender are immediate. A calm. A peacefull feeling. No more struggle. Life, again, feels worth living. I can breathe again.
With this in mind, why then, do I feel the need to continue to put myself through this process every time Life throws me a curve? I have read that humility, though necessary, as a way of life has a tough time. Who desires to put the will of a Deity above their own? Who doesn't believe that the only way to get ahead is forge through? Is this not Human Nature?
Recently I stood at a turning point. Life hasn't dealt the hand I want. I didn't ask for these challenges... WHY ME? I finally came out and told God that he better make something happen, or I was going to start taking things into my own hands...
This simple act... This reaching out... this NOT doing anything to create more issues, has opened new doors. I find myself looking foward to new challenges, and new opportunities. Life has just offered something I thought I really wanted... I surrendered. I asked for help. I received what I wanted. Now I fear this getting what I want.
Surrender as a way of life? Humilty, the action of surrender... new doors open and an opportunity for growth and change? Seems so simple. My humanness, my brokenness, creates the challenge.
My gift this season has been a lesson in surrender. When I resist the Will of a power greater than myself, I create my own pain. When, humbly, I ask... gereally through gritted teeth, I let go. The result... Happiness. A sense of quiet contentment... a resting place.
It usually entails some sort of pain. Something so bad has happened, or MY perseption of something is so harsh that I just cannot go on this way.
Surrender usally means I get an opportunity to become humble. I get an opportunity to ask for help. Be it another person, or God, I get to stop my controlling nature by this simple gesture of asking.
Results of surrender are immediate. A calm. A peacefull feeling. No more struggle. Life, again, feels worth living. I can breathe again.
With this in mind, why then, do I feel the need to continue to put myself through this process every time Life throws me a curve? I have read that humility, though necessary, as a way of life has a tough time. Who desires to put the will of a Deity above their own? Who doesn't believe that the only way to get ahead is forge through? Is this not Human Nature?
Recently I stood at a turning point. Life hasn't dealt the hand I want. I didn't ask for these challenges... WHY ME? I finally came out and told God that he better make something happen, or I was going to start taking things into my own hands...
This simple act... This reaching out... this NOT doing anything to create more issues, has opened new doors. I find myself looking foward to new challenges, and new opportunities. Life has just offered something I thought I really wanted... I surrendered. I asked for help. I received what I wanted. Now I fear this getting what I want.
Surrender as a way of life? Humilty, the action of surrender... new doors open and an opportunity for growth and change? Seems so simple. My humanness, my brokenness, creates the challenge.
My gift this season has been a lesson in surrender. When I resist the Will of a power greater than myself, I create my own pain. When, humbly, I ask... gereally through gritted teeth, I let go. The result... Happiness. A sense of quiet contentment... a resting place.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
emptiness
There's an emptiness...
I've heard it called a hole in the soul.
At times its all consuming.
At times it swallows me whole.
My hopes,
my dreams
All seem to disappear.
Life seems to have no meaning.
I ask...
I plead...
I cry.
Still nothing.
I've heard all prayers get answered.
God where are you now?
Are my prayers unheard,
Or am I just Unworthy?
I have strived to know you.
I see your works in others...
Lord if you're listening...
I need you now.
Life continues on...
I feel alone.
The cold darkness falls upon me
The long winter has begun.
I'll continue to open
My heart turned cold...
Waiting for spring time...
Sunshine for my soul.
I
Monday, December 7, 2009
Christmas spirit
Ok, the hoidays are in full force. I summoned just enough Christmas Spirit to put up the tree... Of course, I did it for the kids...lol
Sunday, December 6, 2009
is it a choice?
"Is homosexuality a biological given or a lifestyle choice? Some scientists are looking to the animal kingdom for clues."
For people who understand, no explanation is needed... for those who don't understand, none will ever suffice.
The question about sexuality was brought up again not long ago... It came in the form of a blame tossed out to induce guilt. 'Who's fault was it anyway?'
Personally, I'd like to be able to just get along with others... Thankfully, I am aware, and hard as it may be, work diligently to not judge others, as they are judging me.
For people who understand, no explanation is needed... for those who don't understand, none will ever suffice.
The question about sexuality was brought up again not long ago... It came in the form of a blame tossed out to induce guilt. 'Who's fault was it anyway?'
Personally, I'd like to be able to just get along with others... Thankfully, I am aware, and hard as it may be, work diligently to not judge others, as they are judging me.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Aids Awareness Day
Today is Aids Awareness Day. Here is some important information.
If you know or have known someone with this disease, this day will mean something to you.
HIV/AIDS has touched my life in numerous way since I first heard of it in the mid 80's. I knew a guy that had moved from my hometown to Florida. We had been friends and and stayed in touch after he moved. His calls seemed more distant after awhile. I continued to try to keep the contact open. One day he tells me that he is planning a birthday party. His conversation seemed really juvenile. He was excited and looking forward to this party.
Next comes rumors from other aquaintances. Did you know Jeff was sick? I knew something was off, but had no idea. Jeff's family told me he had menengitis, but hings would be ok... I wanted to believe them, but Jeff just didn't sound ok. Then I am told Jeff is moving home. He is sick... menegitis, still, and he needs home care.
Jeff and I had our last conversation planning his birthday party. There would be balloons and clowns and people happy. Jeff would be happy. I felt like I was talking to a 5yr old... Jeff passed, but had his party. I'll never know if the clowns came with brightly colored balloons, but in my heart, Jeff had his party. He was at peace.
Many people since have passed. Some are still living with the dreaded plague, that today can be more manageable. In the early days, the powerlessness one felt was overwhelming. Today, there are any organizations to become involved to help others living with this disease. At one point, I had become re-aquainted with Jeff's mother... working for the local HIV task force.
This isn't just the gay man's plague, as many would still choose to believe. Anyone can become infected.
As another year passes, remember those who have gone before, and those still trying to live and enjoy life.
If you know or have known someone with this disease, this day will mean something to you.
HIV/AIDS has touched my life in numerous way since I first heard of it in the mid 80's. I knew a guy that had moved from my hometown to Florida. We had been friends and and stayed in touch after he moved. His calls seemed more distant after awhile. I continued to try to keep the contact open. One day he tells me that he is planning a birthday party. His conversation seemed really juvenile. He was excited and looking forward to this party.
Next comes rumors from other aquaintances. Did you know Jeff was sick? I knew something was off, but had no idea. Jeff's family told me he had menengitis, but hings would be ok... I wanted to believe them, but Jeff just didn't sound ok. Then I am told Jeff is moving home. He is sick... menegitis, still, and he needs home care.
Jeff and I had our last conversation planning his birthday party. There would be balloons and clowns and people happy. Jeff would be happy. I felt like I was talking to a 5yr old... Jeff passed, but had his party. I'll never know if the clowns came with brightly colored balloons, but in my heart, Jeff had his party. He was at peace.
Many people since have passed. Some are still living with the dreaded plague, that today can be more manageable. In the early days, the powerlessness one felt was overwhelming. Today, there are any organizations to become involved to help others living with this disease. At one point, I had become re-aquainted with Jeff's mother... working for the local HIV task force.
This isn't just the gay man's plague, as many would still choose to believe. Anyone can become infected.
As another year passes, remember those who have gone before, and those still trying to live and enjoy life.
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